What do women want? Isn’t this one of life’s greatest questions for straight men? If every straight man or gay woman knew what women want everyone would be happily paired if they desired. The problem isn’t the answer though. It’s the question.
There is no way to know what women want because it’s impossible to generalize the wants of half the human population. Generalizations are rarely true for the whole population of any group of people. Just like everyone has similarities, most people need to eat to survive, we also have differences. For example, some people’s favorite color is blue whereas others like the color purple.
Or when it comes to romance and life partners, some people would like to have kids and others would not. And if your interests don’t match in this regard it’s usually a deal breaker. Regardless of that, there is no magic list that will be 100% all the time. However there are trends that are separated by gender that you could look to. Please understand that this list is not complete and it will not be true 100% of the time.
Don’t forget that people are individuals and group members and their individual personalities are more important.
Let’s divide this topic into two parts. Firstly, let’s talk about what do women actually want. Of course, that’s a ridiculous generalization which only works in comedy or in a sexist society, but we’re all human beings, and as we go down to our roots we start seeing similarities that are consistent with all people. We all need to take care of our physical needs (sleep, eat); we all seek safety (financial, health); we all need to feel a part of a group of people (friends, family, spouse); we all need to feel good about ourselves and have others respect and recognize our worthiness; we all aspire to reach our full potential.
Those are the basics, and they’re perfectly consistent with both genders. As we start looking at men and women separately, we begin noticing a little more in-depth individual trends. A certain image of a man’s role and a women’s role start shaping up.
What Do Women Want?
Now that’s a much better question than the one in the name of the article, but we’re not there yet. We’ve already pointed out a few things that are consistent among all humans, and now we will explore the secret world of women’s desires.
I almost laughed out loud. The secret world of women’s desires, really? Come on, guys. Women tell us what they want every single day, every single hour, we just have to listen. And by listen I don’t mean saying “Speak, woman. You’ve got 15 minutes to tell me what you want”. I mean actually paying attention to all the little details and hints that they give us through words and body language. Through actions and reactions.
I understand that this is not achievable by all of us. Some of us are better at interpreting communication than others, and it’s OK. Nevertheless, I would advise every single male to try and develop these skills. Reading people on a basic level isn’t rocket science – actually, all it takes to start reading women can be summed into these three steps:
- Create situations where women open up to you. This includes everything relevant to how a woman feels: the place, the timing, the weather and, of course, yourself. Your goal is to set everything up so that a woman feels comfortable sharing her honest personal opinions and stories. Work for their trust, do your best to make them open up to you, and then…
- …Pay close attention to what they’re saying and doing. Try to keep your head neutral and put your own desires aside. For now, your job is to identify what the person wants, to learn about their personality, goals, fears and weaknesses. Think of this stage as an interview, only both of you are interviewing each other. Not the predatory hunter-victim mindset. NOTE: this only works properly if women are honest with you in the first place; one of your main tasks here are to recognize when you’re being played with; if the woman isn’t sincere with you, if she’s not telling the full story or manipulating in some other way, you definitely don’t interest her the way she interests you.
- Draw conclusions and adjust your actions. At this final stage, your job is to use the information you gathered and start testing whether your conclusions are correct. Your date told you about that awesome fitness programme she started following last week? Join her next time, or invite her to one of your workouts, so you can share the joy together. Did she mention how hot Robert Downey Jr. is? Check out whether there’s a new Iron Man movie being shown in cinemas and trim your beard so it looks just like the Downey’s (just kidding). Bottom line – take small, safe actions, and see how your woman responds. If she responds negatively, and she’s still talking to you, listen even more carefully and try harder. If she responds positively – congratulations, my friend – you just figured out what your woman wants.
Remember, this is an arrangement, not a hunt. You do not conquer women, you essentially enter into an arrangement if both sides agree on the terms. That’s why you need to be prepared to take no for an answer. It’s perfectly OK to be rejected, just like it’s perfectly OK to reject women. But not being able to cope with rejection is definitely not OK.
Also, the examples I gave are jokingly superficial, reading people can work on the deepest levels. You can learn who people truly are, whether they want an active or a passive life, what are their values and priorities, how they see life, children, career and leisure. This way you’ll know what kind of person you’re getting into bed with and you’ll know from which angle you should present yourself to that person.
Of course, there are certain things that absolutely all women want. One of my inspirations, Elliot Hulse, argues that feminine energy (not necessarily women’s energy – feminine energy is simply usually prevailing in women) is generally about creating a nest and safety. One of the biggest goals for all women in life is to raise healthy children in a safe, suitable environment. Doesn’t matter whether they currently want children or not – women are programmed to make room in their life for children. In this regard, they want a man who can help them with the cause – provide financial, mental and physical help while raising children. Not necessarily will help, but those who can help. Being able to do that is extremely sexy for women.
Quick conclusions: don’t look for a simple answer to a very difficult question. Start with the basic women’s needs, like bearing children, and work your way from there on your own. Every person is unique and will require an adequate approach.
What Can You Give to a Woman?
And so we get to the golden question, the one you should be asking yourself every single day. This question captures the essence of becoming attractive to women so well it can become a whole life philosophy. Asking yourself “What it is that I can offer?” and sincerely answering to that question can lead to most rapid improvement and, in turn, to becoming a much more attractive personality.
Continuing on the topic of feminine/masculine energies found in Elliot Hulse’s philosophy, the energy predominant in males is usually that of a worker/explorer/warrior. Men are designed to have a purpose in life, whether it’s creating a multi-million business from scratch or volunteering in a kindergarten in Ethiopia. We’re at our best when we challenge ourselves and challenge others to increase the wellbeing of our women, their children and ourselves.
Swallow your pride. Leave your ego behind for a second. Then answer these questions:
- Who are you? What is your deepest desire, what are your natural strengths? What are your worst fears and biggest pleasures? What motivates you most?
- Do you have a purpose in life, are you successful on your own journey? Have you identified who you are and chosen a path that is suited best to let you blossom?
- What can you give to a woman? Are you successful on your own journey? Is your journey bearing any results?
All of these questions should be an absolute priority of any male. If you don’t like the answer to any of those, don’t even think about what women want. You need to build yourself up, you need to progress on your path first, and only when you feel you’ve gone far enough that you’re worthy of a woman of your dreams start actively seeking female attention. And trust me, at that point, the women of your dreams will start approaching you themselves.
This is so obvious that I even feel awkward writing about it. But 90% of guys forget it, and it makes me sad. I forget those principles sometimes, too. These principles are at the core of a successful, attractive person, they’re the basics, and I always go back to them whenever I feel confused.
Many guys fall into the trap of finding comfort in the embrace of a woman. They go with the woman that will accept them, rather than desire, and they settle for less. They don’t pursue their own goals, they create a little comfort nest for themselves, and after a few years when they’re single, unmotivated and not-so-young anymore, they start wondering where did it all go wrong.
My advice is: never settle unless you’re truly, honestly satisfied with yourself and your life. Always challenge your beliefs, always question yourself and your partner’s love, and never seek a woman’s love when you don’t feel like you deserve it. Peace.
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